Some Food for Thought...

If you're like me then you probably like food. Well, in the wild food isn't as readily available as it is in our homes, convenience stores and Golden Corrals. Sure you can kill and hunt your own food and there's plenty of fruit and vegetables growing in the wild as well. But sometimes, even when you're miles from civilization and surrounded by acres of woods with nary a McDonalds in sight you just need to reach into your napsack for a quick bite. Here is a list of handy, ready-to-eat meals that you can keep close at hand even in the middle of no where.

1: Quiche.

A delightful quiche will hit the spot any time of day, and when eaten while surrounded by trees and fresh air and animals it's even better.

2: Ice cream.

Everyone loved ice cream. Kids, adults, disturbingly old people, frighteningly young... Try mint chocolate chip. The green color really mixes well with the grass and leaves.

3: Hot Pockets

Wildman and I live off of these when we're out on expeditions. You can heat them over an open fire or just eat them frozen. Fantastic eating...

4: Caviar

Full of valuable nutrients and minerals, caviar is a common, household food that will serve you well when you're out in the wild. It's also delectable on a ritz cracker. You can purchase ritz crackers or bake your own to take on a hike.

5: Chewing gum

You can purchase packs of this in most convenience stores or gas stations. The package warns against swallowing but that is simply not true. The truth is that the more gum you swallow the more it aids the digestive system whilst helping curb cravings and leaving you full and satisfied.

6: Long John Silver's #6 combo

A neccesity of any experienced hiker. Right up there with boots and a flannel shirt and leather hat.

7: Mexican Food

Healthy, and delicious. On a long, cold night in the dark forest you'll thank me for this suggestion.

8: Milk.

Sure anyone can go a single day without milk. But by day two you're going to be wanting a long, hard swig of that fabulous, white liquid we call milk. Take a bottle of two percent with you and leave it to cool off in the hot sun. It's fantastic.


Obviously there are a whole host of ready-to-eat snacks you can take into the wild. We'd like to see your suggestions as well so why don't you leave some suggestions for us!

Information compiled by: Indy

DIRT

It's tiny. It's brown. It's every where. Literally. Every where. It is a substance known simply as "dirt", and it is truly a marvel. In fact, it is such a marvel that dirt is actually one of the wonders of the world. Number 93 to be precise.

Dirt is very mysterious. Ancient cultures worshipped it, and modern scientists are baffled by it. For instance a single grain of dirt could hold up the Empire State Building. This defies all laws of physics! How is it possible?!? Nobody knows!

In the 1400's a noted Astro Physicist named Ginger VonBrown stated "Dirt is super crazy. It's like the craziest and most interesting thing I've ever looked at through a microscope."

As I walk the hills, dales, and soft, dirt covered paths of my hometown I'm amazed by the sheer magnitude of dirt every where I look. Recently geologists have come to estimate that dirt covers more of our planet than even water! That's crazy because earth covers over 400% (exact numbers are not at hand) so dirt must cover a good 500% or more!!!

But what do we know about this substance? Well, the best known fact about dirt is that it is in fact the remains of human, animal (and possibly alien) fecal matter. What?!? Yep! It's true. Hundreds of years ago, before toilets were invented, humans would go to the bathroom wherever possible. Obviously animals go wherever they desire. But where does the poop go after that? That's right, it becomes dirt.

At first this may seem pretty gross. We're walking around on miles and miles of millenia-old poo. But that's okay! Everyone knows that one thing time does is cleanse things and the same holds up for human waste. Time has cleansed all the germs and harmful bacteria from our poo and created a natural base for our planet.

The other thing we know about dirt is that IT CAN HOLD UP ANYTHING!!! Want proof?!? Lets go to the photo gallery!

Under all these things is the simple object known as "dirt". Of course there's much more to dirt. When wet it becomes a substance known as "mud" which is useful in the construction of homes and baseball stadiums. Unfortunately I don't have time to write about mud today. But soon. Soon...

We should all be thankful for dirt. Perhaps it's true purpose on earth isn't only to keep things from falling into the middle of the earth's core but to show us that, yes, even a tiny insignificant turd can one day serve as the foundation for an amazing monument or structure. Maybe we should all take that into account in our daily lives...

Information (and thought provoking commentary) compiled by: Indy

Reader Q&A: Week 2

Hello nature enthusiasts! It's that time again. Time for you to ask us questions about nature that have been plaguing you. Unfortunately only two people bothered to ask us a nature question so the column is a little short this week. Hopefully YOU will rectify this by asking more questions at the bottom of this column for us to answer next week.

Read on!!!




"How do you avoid being eaten by a pack of wild antelope?" -Nathan the Lilly-

Indy: Though initially confused by this question I eventually put together that an "antelope" is NOT actually some sort of creature related to the modern Antus-Augustus or simply, the ant.

In truth, there is very little known about the antelope due to their diminutive stature and tendency to eat those observing them. It is known that they love the taste of human flesh and can carry any object up to four hundred times their body weight. They're also served as a chocolate covered delicacy in certain parts of the world. There are many different species of antelope but obviously the most deadly, and terrifying is the Fire Antelope.

In answer to your question Nathan, the best way to kill an antelope is to murder it with a can of Raid, followed by it's entire family, and all extended relatives. Followed by the ant hive. Definitely kill the queen. A little known fact about antelopes is that they are revenge-obsessed. If the entire antelope "clan" is not wiped out then they will eventually hunt you down and avenge their fallen brothers. Another way to protect yourself is to hop over their hills and colonies.

Wildman: Raid, it's pretty much the kill all. It was developed by early human ancestors that dwelt on Mount Olympus, originally used to kill Titans and Sirens, today used for much peskier creatures. The antelope. But lets get real gang sometimes that can of raid you have holstered on you hip runs out. Then what???? I would suggest the same technique Indy and I have discovered for poison ivy. URINATION. Human urin acts as a two ton anvil against these antelope, sometimes more effective than Raid but not always.
"Question... what do you do when you come across a snake in the wild?" -Linda B -

Indy: The most common answer would be simply to run. In truth, what you'll want to do is stand motionless while making a soft "coo"ing noise. This will lull the bear into a false sense of security and he will pass you by or maybe even stop and give you a gentle bear hug.

Wildman: This "coo"ing Indy is refering to is a very effective technique. but in all reality snakes travel in packs, the scientific term is a school of snakes. When dealing with the large groups of snakes, I would recomend the same tactic that indy and I discovered for poison ivy....URINATION. Human urine act as a 125,000 volt stun gun to snakes therefore rendering them useless.

Indy and Wildman Facebook Fan Page?!?

You should click on this link and then hit the little button that says "Like"!!! 

Pretty soon we'll be posting links to new videos, podcasts and whatever else we dip our toes into. Facebook is a fairly new platform of social medium but we hope you'll test the waters with us and try it out!

Hiking: Who, What, Where, and WHY?!?

No doubt you've been out in the woods a time or two and seen a man go racing past. Perhaps he was wearing a stylish-yet-useful hat. Maybe he was carrying a knapsack or satchel with some survival gear in it. Maybe you wondered to yourself just who that man is, what he was doing, where was he headed and most importantly WHY?!?

Well wonder no more my friends.

WHO?!?

A hiker is a man (or occasionaly a woman) who wanders out into the wilderness with nothing on his mind aside from walking. The first "hikers" (called "wandering idiots" back in the 1600's) were somewhat limited in where they could hike because there weren't quite as many trails as there are now. For the most part, hikers stuck to wandering in circles around their log cabins or teepees until a horse and buggy came along and left a trail for the hiker to follow.

WHAT?!?


A hike is the act of walking from point a. to point b. Sometimes point a to point f. Occasionally you might be walking from your home to the Pizza Hut. Native Americans would hop rather than walk whilst hiking. It wasn't uncommon in the old days to see thirty of fourty navajo Indians hopping in a single file line, hooping and hollering and waving their arms in the air. A hike is whatever you make it. For instance you could also skip. Or you could have a friend come along and you could wheel barrow each other around the forest. Many is the time that Wildman and I have done this...

WHERE?!?

A hike usually takes place in forest regions around our globe. However! the eskimos of Antartica often "hike" from their igloos to the Pacific Ocean to catch dolphins for food and clothing usage. In major cities you often see men and women in suits or fancy dresses wandering about, briefcase in hand, or cellphone to ear. This is also considered a hike. In major metropolitan areas people often say "yep! I just got done with my daily hike to work!".
Hiking is also the act of pulling something up. Such as "I hiked up my pants after a potty break in the wild".

WHY?!?

Speaking from experience, the driving motivation for hiking is usually serious emotional trauma...


Information compiled by: Indy

The Truth About Forest Fires!

“ Forest fires are started by careless campers.”

                        -Department of Homeland Security-

This statement is False. I don’t see how any of you could believe that. Indy and myself have decided to reveal the truth. Like our 32^nd President Don F. Kennedy (DFK) once said. “The truth is like a slice of juicy watermelon…it’s just so good.” The truth is folks, forest fires are caused by trees overheating. Just like cars trees have a coolant system, it keeps them reasonably cool on a summer day. Every tree is filled with a special tree coolant that is filled by faries. As you know there are many many trees in this great nation, but believe it or not there are a limited amount of faries. It also doesn’t help that the FDA and YMCA have put out a bounty for faries. What they don’t realize is that with no faries the trees cannot stay cool! This is a disaster!

How You Can Help!!!

Indy and I have taken it upon our selves to keep the trees cool. You will only need a few items…

1.A super soaker

2. Several bottles of antifreeze

3.Mass amounts of courage

 I would like to encourage you to fill that super soaker with antifreeze and begin to spray every tree in your neighborhood. We need your help!

We have received this letter from someone just like you that has a desire to help save trees.

Dear Indy and Wildman,

My friends and I have spent all our college funds on helping to save trees, its so rewarding! We have a 24hr watch system going in my neighborhood, we call it the "coolant spray team" and thanks to you guys we have not seen one tree catch on fire! You guys are the best! Thanks!

                                                                                    Emma-age 12

Forest Creatures: The Conspiracy Unraveled

Squirrels. Skunks. Pandas. Lions. Pumas. Bats. Owls... Locked in an eternal bloody struggle for survival. Constantly at odds, and fighting amongst themselves like characters from a Charles Shakespeare play. Using one another as food stuff and a source of valuable proteins and nutrients.

OR ARE THEY?!?

I recently have come to believe there is a vast, over reaching animal conspiracy, headed up by one particular group of animals so devious, and cunning that they have taken control of the entire woodland, forest creature community. "But, Indy, what creature could possibly wrestle control from all other species of animals and rule them! The Lion? The Tiger? The Velociraptor?"

Nope!

The Gerbil!!!

These little creatures are smart, wiley and incredibly keen on the idea of the destruction of mankind as a whole. I believe they are using the rest of their animal kingdom to slowly wrest control of this entire planet we live on. Will Earth one day be called Gerbillia?!? It's a very real (and frightening possibility).

In 1947 while on a hunt in upstate New York, Charles Foster Kane exclaimed "AH! Animals! They are truly dumb, and stupid things!". I suppose that in the late 1940's this may have been true. After all, like humans, earlier generations of forest animals were, no doubt, not quite as savy as I've come to believe them to be today. They were likely far more primitive and disorganized. However we've learned recently from documentaries like the Planet of the Apes films that animals are quite smart, and more then a little desirous of turning humanity into their slaves.

This past week I had an experience that changed my mind about the simplistic nature of animals. While walking through a forested glen just south of Massillon I came upon a clearing. There, huddled in a circle about thirty yards from the trail was a gaggle of creatures. Deer, squirrel, chipmunk, polar bear, wombat... and gerbil. As soon as they noticed my presence they dispersed into the woods. It is now my belief that this was not simply a trick of the light or a daytime food-induced vision but instead one of many meetings that take place daily in our forests.

In 1773 an old German man stated "Animals, though cute and fluffy and all that, are actually really freaking smart and, seriously quite capable of taking over the world at a moments notice."

Now, here in Ohio, we have the first hints at a larger animal conspiracy. Will we soon be taken over by bobcats and sable tooth tigers? Maybe. Many historians ponder what happened to the Native American Indian. If they were real why has no one ever seen one? One of my theories about what happened to the Native American Indian is that they were possibly over-run by the very animals they hunted for food and skinned for use as clothing. No one knows what happened to the buffalo the Indians hunted so ferociously either. Is it possible the buffalo murdered all the Indian under command from a higher placed animal and then swam into the ocean? Maybe. Maybe...

I have only now begun to unravel the vast conspiracy at play here but over the next few months I will be providing my findings to you, the general, unsuspecting populace.

Information compiled by: Indy

The Skinny On Dew...

"Dew is one of those things in nature that is kind of like a good ice cream cone, it’s refreshing and its best served cold."
                                                                                    - Ben Franklin-

What is Dew?
Scientists say dew has something to do with air temperatures and humidity levels and such. But after reading several C.S. Lewis novels Indy and I have developed a new more believable theory. Unicorn tears. Yes that right dew actually comes from Unicorn’s tears. As you know Unicorns have been around since the dawn of time. Unicorns are extremely shy and they only eat cotton candy. This explains why there are always herds of Unicorns around, fairs, carnivals, and cotton candy factories. Notice all the dew in these areas…

What To Do With The Dew?
“Dew is as pure as mountain creek water purified 70 times”

        -An old prospector-

             

Dew water is best for drinking and bathing purposes. When you drink the dew water it actually purifies your body of all toxins and diseases. When you take a bath in the dew water you will notice your wrinkles disappearing, and also any oddly shaped moles will vanish. BECAREFUL: if you stay in the dew water too long the de-aging affect will cause you to go back to a helpless infant state.

How To Harvest Dew Water?
An industrial sponge is your best bet. Get yourself a kiddie pool (preferably with the kids out of it) and once you soaked the sponge full of dew, wring it out into the kiddie pool. Due this several times until you have the amount of dew water you desire. Its best to do this in the early morning.

The benefits of dew water are out of this world!!!

Good luck dew hunters!

-Wildman

A Suggestion!

Recently I was on a two day hike with Wildman. Normally we only disappear into the wild for a handful of hours at a time but on this occasion we headed out with some hunting spears and a tent for a 48 hour extravaganza of nature. I'm glad we did because it brought something to my attention that I'd never considered before. Something that gave me pause. Something that made me say "hey wouldn't it be cool if..."

Well, of course there's only one place to head whenever I have an issue with the outdoors. One place who listens patiently to my suggestions of things that should be a part of nature. What follows is a letter I wrote to the people who are a part of that place... and as a special bonus I have included their response.

Dear Parks Department,

Hey guys it's me again. Indy. I just wanted to write and let you guys know I love the work you're doing in our forests and rivers. I saw the beautiful trees growing down by that bend in the river where I always go and thought to myself "man, the parks department is really rockin' it this year". While I'm thinking about it allow me to thank you for the Tuscarawas River as well. I'm sure it's been a while since anyone took the time to thank you guys for building us a river so close to home but, seriously, thanks so much.

On the other hand, I was recently sprayed by a skunk whilst traversing a bike trail over in Stark County.... What the heck, guys?

Okay okay, I'll forgive it this once. My real reason for writing "y'all" is to offer up a suggestion for your forests. In the future I was wondering if you couldn't maybe grow some bigger trees. Say 10-11 feet around. I was thinking perhaps like those Red Dawg trees that grow out in California. You see, they not only would be a fantastic addition to the forest but, if hollowed out they could provide an ideal spot for sleeping. I'm just talking about hollowing out the base of the tree, obviously you can't hollow out the whole thing! That's absurd! haha

But anyway, I was also wondering if you could install electricity into the trees as well so when I hunker down in the hollowed out base of the tree for the evening I could watch my nature programs on my computer. I think this would also help with the tourism quotient of the woods and really help to make people want to come out and spend some time in the wild. Nothing like a giant tree home with wifi and electricity to spend the night in to really bolster interest in the wild.

I hope you'll consider this suggestion. Also, if you'd like to name a tree after me (since I'm the one that suggested it) I would allow that.

Thanks guys! Again, I love what you're doing out there!

Sincerely yours forever,

Indy

Here is the response I received through electronic mail...

Dear sir,

Thank you for your interest in our parks and trails. We will certainly take your suggestions into consideration and thank you for taking the time to write us with your thoughts!

Sincerely,

Parks Department Staff

PS: You do know we have nothing to do with the creation of nature, correct?

Information compiled by: Indy

Streams/Creeks: The More You Know

Perhaps you've seen a stream or know someone who has. No doubt you've pondered just what exactly they are. The fact is, we all have! After all, the stream (or "creek") is one of nature's greatest mysteries. Small, moving bodies of water that seem to come from no where and head toward... nothing.

In the old days people used to allow their horses to drink from streams but that seems to be a thing of the past. When was the last time you saw a horse? Or a stream for that matter? Are they both becoming extinct? In researching this topic by using my powers of observation, I came to find that horses in an inner-city park are a rarity... I searched high and low for a horse, even going so far as to scream "here horsie" repeatedly but was met only with frightened looks from children and threatening comments from angry parents.

Scientists believe streams stem from overflow of sewage from major cities such as Chicago, New York or Tulsa that are making their way to a sinkhole in Western Arkansas. It's a fascinating idea but I have a counter theory.

THE COUNTER-THEORY!!!!!

 

Are streams/creeks actually a magical residue from the fountain of youth?!? Yes this idea may seem strange but after sipping from a stream I happened upon in the wilds of Navarre I believe this may, in fact, be the case. How did I arrive at this conclusion? That would be giving away the secret of my deductive reasoning.

Also, upon some investigation of my own I have decided that most streams and creeks lead to a magical vortex located in the state of Ohio that leads to another world called Planet A. Again, my reasons will now and forever remain my own...

I believe this article will help and educate many of you as to the true nature of one of earth's greatest mysteries... the stream. The next time you see one I hope you'll stop, and take a long, refreshing sip of it's regenerative waters. As you do, I hope you'll whisper a word of thanks... to me, Indy. The man who granted you immortality.

Information compiled by: Indy

Elves and Misinformation

In his historical book on Elvish culture J.R.R Tolkien described Elves as being tall, thin, long-haired men and women with fantastic vision and lightning quick reflexes. I have not found this to be the case. The elves as described my Mr. Tolkein and as portrayed on film appear to look like this...

...while the Elves I've encountered appear more like this...

They  drive cars, jeeps, and loud trucks, rather and horses. They've also, shot at, chased after, and laughed at me countless times so... yeah. That whole thing where they're discribed as honorable and kindly forest-dwellers who will rush to a man's help at a moment's notice is a bunch of poop.

Information compiled by: Indy

Reader Q&A with Indy: Week 1

Every Saturday on the Indy and Wildman blog I will be stopping by to answer any of your nature-related questions. Want to know what a stick is? Or why you aren't legally allowed to urinate in a public park? Perhaps you're curious as to why I was fished out of a waste-treatment facility by local police this past Thursday evening?

Well, simply post your comments under this article (or any article really) and I will do my best to answer them next Saturday. This week we didn't get any comments at all so I have answered some questions that I often ask myself.

Read On!

Question: What is a caterpillar?
Answer: The modern caterpillar is the closest remaining relative of the mythical "dinosaur". I realized this fact after trailing one for over seven hours and watching it take part in various activities (such as eating a leaf) that really reminded me of that long-necked dinosaur at the beginning of Jurassic Park.
The Caterpillar isn't dangerous... OR SO YOU'D THINK!!!? I posit, however, that the caterpillar may secrete a fluid known as Asidmenovenom... or "Death Juice" that can burn through any surface in less than .2 seconds. I based this on no real fact.

Question: Where are all the bears?
Answer: Scientists would have you believe that bears don't live in this part of the world (specifically Northeastern Ohio) but they'd be DEAD WRONG. Not only have we seen numerous Panda bears nearby whilst on various trips into the wild but I once saw a bear in the wilds of the Akron zoo. Hey scientists! If bears don't live in Ohio how'd they find him and put him in that cage?!? You think he just magically appeared there?!? Idiot scientists...

Question: How do you make coffee in the wild?
Answer: Tree Bark and a fire. A nice hat for filtering water.

Question: Where have all the cowboys gone?
Answer: ...

Question: Do you have any plans to ever buy a patch of land for use in nature conservancy?
Answer: The fact is that owning your own land is a dream of many Americans. Sadly only 1 in a million Americans ever end up buying and owning ANYTHING let alone a patch of land. As much as we'd love to own a place named "Dreamy Acres" (we've already given a lot of thought to this idea) it's just not possible on our current income as adventurers.

Question: Why?
Answer: Shrubbery.

Join us next week when we give YOU the READER the opportunity to ask Me, INDY, your nature-related questions.

Fly Fishing: Why?

There are many forms of fishing. Spear, Dynamite, Dog, Pet Pteredactyl, and of course baseball bat are all common forms of fishing. If you've followed our work for any length of time (or just scrolled down this page) you've no doubt seen our video on some of the various forms of fishing. Those were all crude forms though. Today we're talking about a type of fishing that is done with a rod and wheel called "fly fishing".

Now first of all, the term "fishing" is a little misleading. Yes, you're using a "fishing" rod but you're not catching fish. For years, while searching for lost episodes of Wild Wild West or Dallas on tv, I would happen upon the sporting or outdoors channels and see these men standing in a stream and repeatedly casting and then recasting their fishing line.

This struck me as odd. You see, in normal every day fishing you simply throw a large bucket of mice into any body of water, dip a stick into the water, and then wait for a fish to bite the stick. This is standard fishing. Duh. But fly fishing? That confused me.

Until I realized the point. Now maybe you're thinking "hey, Indy, why didn't you just ask wikigooglia what fly fishing is?". Well, obviously a true nature enthusiast will learn all he can from the great outdoors by simply observing.

And that is how I learned why it's called "Fly Fishing".

There's a technique to fly fishing. You must be quick, and nimble like a cheetah or a baby Tarzan. You take a rod, with string, and cast it into the air repeatedly. To the end of the string you will have attached a hook. If a hook is unavailable you may attach a nail, preferably rusted.

Then you just start slinging. Fast as can be at thin air. The sole object being to catch flies.

"But, Indy, why would I catch flies?!?" you're probably asking.

Simple. They make a delectable treat. You can fry them, roast them, broil them... even eat them raw. Many is the time that Wildman and myself have been in the wilds of Northeastern Ohio and we have had to survive by fly fishing.

Hopefully this will serve you in future hiking expeditions should you find yourself lost and alone without food. Or simply fly fish as a fun game. You might not catch anything but you'll learn something about nature and yourself.

Information compiled by: Indy

Arrowheads?!?

History is a magical thing. It brings us tall tales of giants, ghosts, mighty Sasquatches, and of course, the Native American Indian. These mythical people were said to have inhabbited our country long before Christos Columbia discovered America. They were said to have a vast knowledge of the forests and a kinship with all creatures. They were purported to have invented time travel, and the modern sky scraper was supposedly based on their designs. But these people are just a myth, right?

WRONG!

The proof has never been more available than it is right now that the Native Indian was in fact a reality. They were people. Just like you or me or Wildman. Where did they go? No one knows. And as is the way with history, no one will ever know.

BUT THEY LEFT US PROOF OF THEIR EXISTENCE IN THE FORM OF...

THE ARROWHEAD!!!

What is an arrowhead?

Scholars debate this constantly. Is the arrowhead a primitive form of drawing tool? Did they use it to scrape text into cave walls? Is it perhaps a crude eraser or a tool of some kind? Such as an ancient screw driver? It could be any or all of these things.

In my forthcoming book "The Arrowhead: WHAT THE CRAP?!?" I examine just what exactly it could have been used for from a variety of perspectives. My final goal being to prove that the arrowhead may have simply been a simply conversational object used by these Indian peoples to show other indians where they were going without using their fingers to point the way.

Where can I find an Arrowhead?!??!!11

Any where! That answer may seem crazy but it's true. A little known fact about the previously-thought-to-be-merely-a-legend Native American Indian is that they lived EVERYWHERE. Some even posit that they were the ones who built the famed Statue of Liberty that resides on New York's Easter Island. In the late 1800s I imagine that scientists unearthed billions of arrowheads around the site of the great statue.

So look around. Wherever you're standing, be it inside a modern building or deep in the Amazonian Rainforest. See something sharp and pointed fashioned from a rock? Thats an arrowhead!!! You've found one!!!

What do I do with the Arrowhead???


You have to simple options once you've located an arrowhead. The first is, of course, throw it back on the ground. The second is to mail it to the Indian Culture museum located in New Dehli, located in the country of India. I've been taking this route for years and they've never sent one back so by now they should have a fairly substantial collection of Indy-found arrowheads.

Whatever you decide to do with your arrowhead, whenever you see one take at least a few minutes to think about the people who made it. Those previously-thought-mythical Native American Indians who fashioned that arrowhead. And think about the history. Its a fascinating topic...

Information compiled by: Indy

An Interview

Today I sat down with myself for an in-depth look into the process of becoming a serious adventurer, philanthropist, and naturist. I wanted to give all our readers a peek behind the "veil" at what it takes for me to get up every day, walk to the bathroom, turn on the light, receive a mild electrical shock from the faulty wiring that terrorizes me on a second-by-second basis, and then look myself in the mirror and say... "GO. EXPLORE."

Pay close attention, I have a lot of information to foist upon the sweaty, unwashed masses.

Q: How long have you been doing this?

A: Doing what?

Q: This. All the hiking and adventuring and such.

A: Oh, right. About... *long pause* 10-12 years I think. Maybe longer. Maybe shorter.

Q: And what is it about this job you love?

A: Well, right off, you're wrong in calling it a "job". I've always felt like this is a duty. A service if you will. To the world at large and especially to ol' mother nature herself.

Q: Don't you feel that's a little... self aggrandizing?

A: I don't know what that means but sure. Sure it's aggrandizing. The earth has designated me one of her caretakers. One of her "rangers". It doesn't get more aggrandizing than that, AmIright?

Q: You seem to have a fairly substantial ego. How did that come to be?

A: Ego? You're missreading "smarts" and the fact that I have a sense of self worth for ego.

Q: No no. You're an egomaniac. It's pretty blatantly obvious.

(at this point I became agitated with the line of questioning I was on with myself and left the room to make some ego waffles. I returned 9 hours later)

A; Where were we?

Q: I was asking how you'd become such a skilled hiker.

A: Right. Well, in the late 1800's my great grandpa, Zeb set out to walk the Appalachian trail from Georgia out to California and

Q*interrupting*: The Appalachian trails runs north to south not South to West.

A: Exactly. So anyway, he was walking that stretch of trail for a good 40 days when he happened upon a beautiful patch of land just north of Kentucky. He planted a flag there and called that place The State of Indiana. When I was born my momma decided to honor him and his state by naming me Indy. So there you go...

Q: That didn't answer my question.

A: What was the question?

Q: How'd you become such a skilled hiker.

A: Trade secret.

Q: You seem to be sort of a secretive man. Why is that?

A: Who's asking?

Q: Yourself?

A: I think I'm losing my mind.

Q: Yep.

The end.

Join us for a series of interviews that will be appearing on the blog through the coming year. Next time we'll sit down with Wildman for some behind-the-scenes information on clamming, treeing, fishing, and hunting.

Information compiled by: Indy

Some Facts About Trees

Fact: Trees are usually old. Sometimes even older than human civilizations.

Fact: Trees have branches.

Fact: Squirrels live in trees.

Fact(?): Fairies live in trees.

Fact: I have climbed a tree.

Fact: The famous Robinson family from Sweden lived in a tree.

Fact: Most tree bark is edible and acts as a delectable addition to stews and soups. Also, it aids the digestive system... sometimes too much.

Fact: Trees grow in dirt. A tree can not grow on concrete though I have attempted a number of times to prove otherwise.

Fact: Over 99% of our world is covered in trees which aid the ozone layer by emitting a helpful element we refer to as OXYGEN.

Fact: Monkeys love trees.

Fact: Trees do not grow on Mars but most likely do grow on the dark side of the moon (recently featured in the Transformers movie)

Fact: Trees are worshipped by members of tribes all around the world and parts of Canada.

These are just a few facts about trees. Hopefully you've learned something.

Information compiled by: Indy

Crickets: Natures Symphony or Miniature Mutant Murder Machines?

Tonight whilst strolling through the woods barefoot I couldn't help but give thanks for the beautiful music those delightful little creatures we call "the cricket"  were playing for me. "How do they do it?" I asked myself. No one knows. It is a mystery for the ages. Despite this fact, I paused and listened for quite a while. I thought to myself that the cricket is an adorable, joyful little creature.

But is that really the case?!?

Famed German naturist Hans Grueber once stated that "the cricket, if given the time, would concoct a host of weaponry and firepower to kill the world and capture it for themselves". Through out history there has never been a situation wherein the cricket has shown itself to be anything other than peaceful. But suppose that is just a clever ruse...

If the common cricket ever saw the need to rise up one would imagine their conquest of the world would be QUICK and EASY. Simple numbers would dictate it. After all, the cricket race outnumbers the human race 1 billion to 1. One billion crickets is a hurricane of terror.

Native American folklore tells of a day when the cricket will rise up and overtake the world with their ceaseless noise-making and endless hordes. Cricket Day. Is it real? Maybe. Maybe...

Compiled by: Indy

Vintage I&W video classic

Walking Paths

Recently I've received some e-mails from fans (of the "great outdoors") wishing to know more about these mysterious "tiny dirt roads" that appear through out our forests, parks and even cities. The first thing to note is that these are often called "walking paths" or just "paths". We don't know much about them but here's what we do know...


1: THEY'RE MADE OF DIRT... usually.

2: THEY'RE MAN-MAD. Though no one seems to know exactly who the mysterious "men" are that make these paths. Men in Black perhaps? Or nature angels? Perhaps even the great sasquatch or possibly even a land-based variation of Dolphin Man? It's impossible to say with any certainty and after my numerous calls about this topic to the parks department of Stark county went unreturned, all I can say is that it may forever remain a mystery just who creates the paths.

3: THEY OFTEN LEAD TO NO WHERE?!?: Yes, another great mystery about these paths is exactly where they take you. Often times they just stop. Some times at a road. Other times at a river or gully. Occasionally I've found they run in a circle and after hours and hours of circling I realize that the paths sole objective seems to be to waste my time.

4: THEY ARE INUNDATED WITH PEOPLE: It's sad to see yet another aspect of nature that is being over-run by people but yes... again, humanity has found another venue to stamp, tromp and even ride (on bikes or horses) all over to the point of no-repair.

Those are the facts that I have compiled about walking paths. In the future I will doubtless be adding more as we discover more bits of knowledge about these mysterious avenues.

Information compiled by: Indy