Monday, August 22, 2011

Reader Q&A: Week 2

Hello nature enthusiasts! It's that time again. Time for you to ask us questions about nature that have been plaguing you. Unfortunately only two people bothered to ask us a nature question so the column is a little short this week. Hopefully YOU will rectify this by asking more questions at the bottom of this column for us to answer next week.

Read on!!!

"How do you avoid being eaten by a pack of wild antelope?" -Nathan the Lilly-

Indy: Though initially confused by this question I eventually put together that an "antelope" is NOT actually some sort of creature related to the modern Antus-Augustus or simply, the ant.

In truth, there is very little known about the antelope due to their diminutive stature and tendency to eat those observing them. It is known that they love the taste of human flesh and can carry any object up to four hundred times their body weight. They're also served as a chocolate covered delicacy in certain parts of the world. There are many different species of antelope but obviously the most deadly, and terrifying is the Fire Antelope.

In answer to your question Nathan, the best way to kill an antelope is to murder it with a can of Raid, followed by it's entire family, and all extended relatives. Followed by the ant hive. Definitely kill the queen. A little known fact about antelopes is that they are revenge-obsessed. If the entire antelope "clan" is not wiped out then they will eventually hunt you down and avenge their fallen brothers. Another way to protect yourself is to hop over their hills and colonies.

Wildman: Raid, it's pretty much the kill all. It was developed by early human ancestors that dwelt on Mount Olympus, originally used to kill Titans and Sirens, today used for much peskier creatures. The antelope. But lets get real gang sometimes that can of raid you have holstered on you hip runs out. Then what???? I would suggest the same technique Indy and I have discovered for poison ivy. URINATION. Human urin acts as a two ton anvil against these antelope, sometimes more effective than Raid but not always.
"Question... what do you do when you come across a snake in the wild?" -Linda B -

Indy: The most common answer would be simply to run. In truth, what you'll want to do is stand motionless while making a soft "coo"ing noise. This will lull the bear into a false sense of security and he will pass you by or maybe even stop and give you a gentle bear hug.

Wildman: This "coo"ing Indy is refering to is a very effective technique. but in all reality snakes travel in packs, the scientific term is a school of snakes. When dealing with the large groups of snakes, I would recomend the same tactic that indy and I discovered for poison ivy....URINATION. Human urine act as a 125,000 volt stun gun to snakes therefore rendering them useless.

1 comment:

  1. thank you indy and wildman for your informative and indepth response! I recently had a run in with these vicous creatures and lost a limb during the horrific battle...but now that I know the truth along with the proper ways to dispell these vermin I will now revenge my fallen limb! pplease continue to do well and be safe during your wilderness ventures an I will continue to read further about the mysteries and hidden qualities of our surrounding environment! P.s. Can dew (unicorn tears) help to regrow lost limbs, aside from their anti-aging qualities?