The Truth About Forest Fires!

“ Forest fires are started by careless campers.”

                        -Department of Homeland Security-

This statement is False. I don’t see how any of you could believe that. Indy and myself have decided to reveal the truth. Like our 32^nd President Don F. Kennedy (DFK) once said. “The truth is like a slice of juicy watermelon…it’s just so good.” The truth is folks, forest fires are caused by trees overheating. Just like cars trees have a coolant system, it keeps them reasonably cool on a summer day. Every tree is filled with a special tree coolant that is filled by faries. As you know there are many many trees in this great nation, but believe it or not there are a limited amount of faries. It also doesn’t help that the FDA and YMCA have put out a bounty for faries. What they don’t realize is that with no faries the trees cannot stay cool! This is a disaster!

How You Can Help!!!

Indy and I have taken it upon our selves to keep the trees cool. You will only need a few items…

1.A super soaker

2. Several bottles of antifreeze

3.Mass amounts of courage

 I would like to encourage you to fill that super soaker with antifreeze and begin to spray every tree in your neighborhood. We need your help!

We have received this letter from someone just like you that has a desire to help save trees.

Dear Indy and Wildman,

My friends and I have spent all our college funds on helping to save trees, its so rewarding! We have a 24hr watch system going in my neighborhood, we call it the "coolant spray team" and thanks to you guys we have not seen one tree catch on fire! You guys are the best! Thanks!

                                                                                    Emma-age 12

The Skinny On Dew...

"Dew is one of those things in nature that is kind of like a good ice cream cone, it’s refreshing and its best served cold."
                                                                                    - Ben Franklin-

What is Dew?
Scientists say dew has something to do with air temperatures and humidity levels and such. But after reading several C.S. Lewis novels Indy and I have developed a new more believable theory. Unicorn tears. Yes that right dew actually comes from Unicorn’s tears. As you know Unicorns have been around since the dawn of time. Unicorns are extremely shy and they only eat cotton candy. This explains why there are always herds of Unicorns around, fairs, carnivals, and cotton candy factories. Notice all the dew in these areas…

What To Do With The Dew?
“Dew is as pure as mountain creek water purified 70 times”

        -An old prospector-

             

Dew water is best for drinking and bathing purposes. When you drink the dew water it actually purifies your body of all toxins and diseases. When you take a bath in the dew water you will notice your wrinkles disappearing, and also any oddly shaped moles will vanish. BECAREFUL: if you stay in the dew water too long the de-aging affect will cause you to go back to a helpless infant state.

How To Harvest Dew Water?
An industrial sponge is your best bet. Get yourself a kiddie pool (preferably with the kids out of it) and once you soaked the sponge full of dew, wring it out into the kiddie pool. Due this several times until you have the amount of dew water you desire. Its best to do this in the early morning.

The benefits of dew water are out of this world!!!

Good luck dew hunters!

-Wildman